


Doll

by zip_kicks



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Abuse?, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Past Abuse, emotional abuse?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-09-06 13:34:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8753626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zip_kicks/pseuds/zip_kicks
Summary: Alex and John trying to enjoy a nice night after drinking





	

**Author's Note:**

> So there's no actual sex but there's like, the beginning of it. Just be safe. I know I need to post the last chapter of my long fic but college fucking sucks.

Alex and John stumbled through the door, clumsily flipping the lights on. John pulled Alex into a passionate kiss, sending a fire through Alex’s stomach and loins. After a night out, and drinking so much they almost didn’t make it home, the only things they were concerned with were each other. Alex grabbed John’s shirt and pulled him flush against his own chest, reveling in the pressure. They stood in Alex’s tiny New York apartment, kissing and running their hands over each other’s body, feeling the dips and curves. John pulled away, face flush except for his cherry red cheeks.  
“Bed. Now.” Alex nodded, kissing and moving John to the back of the apartment. They flopped onto his bed, John climbing on top of Alex, resting between his legs. He started to feel the contours of Alex’s ribs, lifting his shirt up to kiss at them and his stomach. Alex gasped, letting out a small moan and breathing hard, bucking his hips. This elicited a moan from John, pressing his growing erection to Alex’s. John reached for Alex’s ass, grabbing and rubbing it. Then he moved toward Alex’s belt.  
Alex froze, and his hand shot to John’s, ripping it from the loop. His eyes were wide and his breath quickened. He looked up into John’s eyes with terror and sympathy. John stopped and grabbed his face.  
“Alex? Baby you okay?” Alex nodded shallowly, the fear not leaving his eyes.  
“I…I can’t. Not right now, this is moving too fast.” John deflated a little bit, shifting at the uncomfortable feeling in his pants.  
“Why don’t you go relieve yourself…?” Alex suggested softly. He could feel his chest collapsing in on himself, and he didn’t want John see him fall apart so early in the relationship. John looked at him, then nodded, shuffling to the bathroom. Alex curled himself into his pillow, shutting his eyes as tears fell. His mind was racing with his own thoughts and phrases he hadn’t heard in months.  
“Stupid idiot, why did you do that? You should’ve just let him-“  
“He’s not like him. He’s so different-“  
“Why can’t you just get over it, it’s not like he raped you-“  
“But he was only there when he wanted something, he never cared-“  
“Stop it! You have an amazing boyfriend whose cute and cares and-“  
Alex heard John from the bathroom moan his name and cry out. He started crying harder.  
“You’ve ruined it. You’ve ruined the relationship, why would he stick around when you won’t put out. You good for nothing, worthless, unlovable-“  
“Alex?” Alex flinched as John touched his arm lightly.  
“Alex? Hey, are you okay?” Alex hastily nodded his head. John sighed.  
“It doesn’t look like it. Can you look at me?” Alex shook his head, burying it deeper into the pillow. John pulled him up, pillow and all, and pulled him into a hug.  
“Hey, you know you can tell me anything.” Alex shivered and shook as the tears came harder.   
“I can’t do that again. I can’t be a sex doll again.” John hugged him tighter.  
“What do you mean love?” Alex sniffed loudly.  
“When I was dating my last boyfriend, near the end of our relationship, he only ever talked to me or paid attention to me when he wanted sex. I told him I felt like a sex doll, like my only purpose was to get him off. I never told him no, but god I hated every second of it. It hurt so bad, and I counted the seconds until he finished so we could just lay there and be normal again. I would cry myself to sleep because of the pain and because I just wanted to be loved. I thought it was love.” He sobbed, his breath hiccupping. John held onto him as he cried, rocking slightly and shushing him. After about 10 minutes, Alex removed his face from the pillow. It was red and swollen, his eyes puffy and dull.  
“I’m sorry I didn’t put out…” He whispered in the smallest voice. John kissed his temple.  
“Hey you have nothing to be sorry about. Your happiness is so much more important than having sex with me Alexander. I just want you to be happy.” Alex nodded, tears welling up in his eyes again as he bit his lip. John wiped the tears away, and clapped his hands lightly once.  
“Alright, I don’t know about you, but I’m starving. I think I saw some ramen in your kitchen, want me to make that for you?” Alex nodded.  
“I won’t eat a whole pack though, so make enough for you and I’ll eat some of yours.” John smiled and nodded.  
“Alright, two packs it is.”   
After hearing clattering, some light swearing, and some water running, John returned with a bowl of noodles. They ate in silence while Alex turned his Playstation on and chose something to watch on Netflix. For the rest of the night, they cuddled and watch a documentary on turtles. Alex drifted off before John. As he was drifting off, he whispered to John.  
“I love you. I didn’t want to say it too early, I know it’s only been a month, but I do. Love you that is.” John smiled and kissed Alex.  
“It’s okay. I love you too.”


End file.
